If you’re a Millennial, everyone’s hustling. That’s just who we are. As we make the most of the tools we’ve been given, we’re subject to constant accusations of entitlement. Our retaliation tends to take the form of this endless loop of “eat, pray, hustle.” Such is our mantra. Whether it’s a side hustle, an entrepreneurial gig or a 9-to-5, Millennials are here to outwork you, out-imagine you and claim everything prior generations said we couldn’t earn. I am among this powerhouse generation and I, too, will make sure I eat. However, it’s not uncommon for my boss mode and my faith mode to clash from time to time. I often wonder when I’ve pushed past healthy ambition into a fear-fueled cycle of “busy.”

My hours of life-planning have stopped adding up.

For the first time in a long time, I’m in a static season. I hadn’t noticed until a close friend and fellow #girlboss hit me up recently, asking if I’ve been “striving and surviving” lately. My answer?

“Well…I’m surviving.”

“Not striving though?” she asked, surprised.

“No…” I responded, certain but just as shocked as she was.

Can I be real for a moment? I’ve been recklessly addicted to the “Spirit of Stunt.” I have always had a shiny new goal in mind: a pending business opportunity, a vacation, some new health goal…Shoot, I even have growth goals for my head of 4C kinks. So, a constipated hustle is foreign to me. It’s uneventful, but it’s also unfulfilling. Up until now, I’ve stacked my deck with accomplishments to overcompensate for the areas where I fall short socially, spiritually or intellectually. And, without a goal to flaunt these days, I’ve been feeling eerily exposed. The truth is, I haven’t had a horn to toot in a while. I’ve just been building and breathing in between. As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve been learning what it means to play with “what if” instead of hammering “what’s next.” That process has since moved me to douse the flames of the Flex God and discover the real me in the aftermath of an ego explosion.

So, what have I been doing in this stunt-free season?

Lately, I’ve been hyper-focused on building relational awareness and the rich sense of being that stems from that. I’ve shifted my perspective as I work toward mastering relational success and curbing my constant appetite for recognition. In that, I uncovered people and areas I had been neglecting as a family-oriented person, a youth leader, a friend and a Christ follower. Those parts of my resume are not always poppin’. In fact, they can be the exact opposite. They can be gritty and tough, and sometimes I move backwards. So it’s easy for me to kick those roles under the rug when it’s time to flex. Above all else, these roles can be thankless. They are grounding and fulfilling in the deepest ways, but there’s no place for accolades in any of them. They demand me to assume a constant posture of humility, and that runs counter to everything I’ve been taught as a scrappy Millennial. But, when I tuned out my stunt cravings and plugged into my capacity to serve, I blew myself away with how purposed I could feel – whether I had something to show for those wins or not.

And, what have I learned?

The more I struggle to reconcile my identity as a Christian and a Millennial maven in the making, the more sure I am that there’s nothing wrong with a healthy, consistent grind. Selfishness isn’t inherent to the hustle. But, if this season has taught me anything, it’s taught me that there’s a time to grind. There’s also a time to surrender to the occasional “undoing” – to take a knee when others are gearing up, to slow and yield when others are revving their engines. Should I succeed in this, I believe I’m bound to position myself for a come-up that far exceeds anything I may have accomplished in my own strength. And, isn’t that how it goes? When God orders your steps, you brag different. That’s where I’m trying to be.